Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
