If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
