i wish starbucks made bloody marys
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize