If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
