I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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