Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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