I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
