There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
