apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
