I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
