do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
