3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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