Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
