Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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