dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
