I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You took a bar mat shot.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
