just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
