it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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