I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize