i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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