Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Success! We fucked roommates!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
