I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
