She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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