Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
