You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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