when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
