last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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