He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he wants to bone in the snuggie
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
