I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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