apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
