I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
