Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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