After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
