i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
