dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
