he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
