I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
