I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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