shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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