Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am naked and annoyed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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