i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
