Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
