All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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