My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize