we have pet lesbian snakes
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
