dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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