He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
