You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
