I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
