whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
