I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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