i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
