I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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