I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
