Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
