Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
