you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
