Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
