I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
