I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
