Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
