Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My cat gives me a boner
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
