You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
