I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
