You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
