we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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