every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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