so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
