How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
