piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
