Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
