I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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